For those of you who don't know, I do theatre in my spare time. It's what I want to do for a living. Pretty much all of my friends do theatre; it's how I got my current friendship group. It's for this reason that I never wanted to do theatre reviews. And I still think this. I'm not going to review theatre on a regular basis. However, I am going to support theatre whenever I can, especially good theatre, and for this reason, I'm breaking my own rule this one time to review Magnum Opus (2018), the latest from the Phoenix Theatre in Coniston. Buckle up for this one. This is not a review. This is a love letter. Written by Sam Lovell, directed by Matthew Latham and Sam Lovell, and starring Dylan Horvat as Max, Sophie Bentley as Kylie, Arthur Gallagher as Boris, Rory Holloway as Cobra, Jack Taylor as Mario, Carina Louise as Bella, Sam Sweeting as William Shakespeare, Jarrod Riesinger as Christopher Marlowe, Brandon Fairley as Knight Templar and Graeme Downey as Priest.
Okay, where to begin? Well, first and foremost, the premise of the show is divine. It's honestly genius. A guy who hates theatre is given a theatre and must put on a piece of theatre in order to receive the funds to renovate the theatre. It's obviously a play about theatre, but the beauty of it is how little of it feels like a meta-play. And, don't get me wrong, there are meta jokes in this play, but that's not the point. The story itself comes first, and the story drives the comedy. It's also interesting to see a play dissect what makes theatre great and what makes theatre bad so accurately while still being an entertaining piece of theatre in and of itself. It's a breath of fresh air, and it's something we haven't seen in amateur theatre in... wait, no, it's something we haven't seen in theatre before. And yet another praise I can give the story is that it doesn't alienate people who don't work in theatre, or aren't familiar with the theatre politics of the Illawarra. It's an intelligently written script and, although the writer will never admit that, it honestly amazed me how clever this story and writing is.
The same praise has to go to the cast. Holy crap, what a perfect cast. Each and every one of them fulfilled their roles perfectly, and as someone who read the script a few times before production began, they all shone beautifully, and brought the words to life in the best way possible. Dylan Horvat has his first ever lead role, although you'd be hard-pressed to believe that watching him. It feels as though the role was written for him, and it has just the right about of biting cynicism, puppy-dog likeability, and utter s***iness that makes a performance that has the entire package, and I could watch it all day. Not one to be outdone, Sophie Bentley also does a fantastic job as the 'straight man' against the utter wackiness of pretty much everyone else in the cast, but that's not to say she doesn't get her own time to shine. Hers is a more realistic performance, and it's a refreshing one, but when she gets a chance to let loose her own comedic talents, she's one of the best of the lot. Of the three leads, however, it's Arthur Gallagher that steals the show, though with a character like Boris it wouldn't be hard to. Talk about the perfect balance, not only was practically every line out of his mouth a winner, but his levels were sensational. He could go from laughing and happy to bitter and sincere to dark and depressing at the drop of a hat, and Gallagher eats up the role as much as you'd want him to. Seriously, the three leads alone carried the show.
The supporting cast also shine here. Every single one of them has at least one... uh, at least three laugh-out-loud winners, even those that are on for the shortest time, such as Graeme Downey's Priest. He's only in the one scene, yet was wonderful in his limited appearance, and really helped to set the tone of the entire play from the word go. The three actors who played the actors, Rory Holloway, Jack Taylor and Carina Louise, are all wonderful in their roles, with my personal favourite being Taylor's Mario, though all he needed to do was walk out on stage in that costume and he won me over. It's through these three that we not only get a lot of our parallels to actual things that happen in the Illawarra theatre scene, but we also get a lot of humour from just the interactions between them. A lot of people missed it, but one of my favourite parts of the show was Bella trying to 'cheers' while Cobra was going into depth about his past life as a porn star. The three dream sequences ended up being my absolute favourite moments, and the actors, Sam Sweeting, Jarrod Riesinger and Brandon Fairley, did a fantastic job with their limited use. These moments of Horvat interacting with his depiction of Shakespeare were full of humour and... well, I'll get to that in a bit, but speaking of the humour, I don't think I've laughed so hard at anything in a long time. This is a hilarious play. Fair warning, a lot of the references may go over your head if you're slightly older and unfamiliar with what's trending in meme culture currently (and not so currently), but there's enough here that anyone can watch and laugh at.
But, let's talk about my favourite thing about the entire show, and the reason I wanted to write this review in the first place. It's all well and good to call this play hilarious; that's pretty much what everyone else has been doing, but it's worth drawing attention to how much heart and, dare I say, emotion there is to be found here. This is a profound story disguised as a s***post, which might just be the best thing about it. Yes, I was laughing and, yes, that was really enough for me to be entertained, but the moments that impressed me the most were when the show took a moment, slowed down, and just let the characters talk to each other about the things that mattered. Talking about what makes theatre great and why people can ruin it, those were the moments that counted for me, and it was the moments like that which everyone should be walking away and remembering, but also having a long hard think about. It's all well and good to make references to Pepsi or mix-tapes or Shrek, but the thing I'll take away from this is the image of a 'Jason Statham' William Shakespeare explaining why theatre is great. I would have been happy enough to laugh for a few hours and walk away with a smile on my face, but I'll remember Magnum Opus for the story it told and the message it left behind. That might not be what you're expecting me to say, but it's the honest truth. It's not just because I do theatre regularly either, though I suspect that may have something to do with it. This is a show for anyone who loves what they do, despite the fact that it can be a trial to get through sometimes, and you desperately want it to get better. After watching this show, theatre just got a lot better.
Magnum Opus (2018) well and truly lives up to its name. Come for the laughter, stay for the philosophical talks about why people do what they do. Also, the lights were pretty. 10/10.
Wednesday, August 22, 2018
Sunday, August 19, 2018
Off the Cuff Reviews DuckTales: Season 1 (2017-18)
When Disney announced this show years ago, I, like many other people, was a little skeptical. I hadn't seen the original DuckTales cartoon, but a lot of things can go very, very wrong when rebooting something with such a high level of nostalgia. Thankfully, DuckTales Season 1 (2017-18) not only does the original series justice, but is able to stand on its own two legs as a genuinely impressive show. I say this as a 22-year old man talking about a show intended for kids, but this is honestly one of those shows that anyone can watch and enjoy. It's become one of my favourites, and I need to talk about it right now. Starring David Tennant as Scrooge McDuck, Danny Pudi as Huey Duck, Ben Schwartz as Dewey Duck, Bobby Moynihan as Louie Duck, Kate Micucci as Webby Vanderquack, Beck Bennett as Launchpad McQuack, Toks Olagundoye as Mrs. Beakley and Tony Anselmo as Donald Duck.
I know a lot of people were thrown off initially by the animation style, but this show is beautiful to watch. They've gone for a mix between the original show's animation style and the look of the comic books from which the characters are based, and weirdly, this helps the show stand out even more. The attention to detail in some shots is stunning, and what's even more impressive is how this, really, simple style of animation is able to carry across the more emotional moments whenever they come up, though that's more for later. The soundtrack isn't over-the-top or too ambitious, which I like. It more helps to service the story, and though it isn't something I'd download and listen to on my own time, it wasn't intended to be, and it works fine for the show. That is, of course, with the exception of the opening theme song. Again, while it's a different take on the original theme song, it really works, and I found myself jumping in my seat and singing along every time it came on.
The voice actors are unbelievable. Honestly, I find it hard to believe they got some of these people; they're honestly the best thing about the show. Every inflection, every stutter, every word is wonderfully read, and each and every one of these people brought their characters to life like no one else could. This is the perfect cast. David Tennant shines as Uncle Scrooge, and he has the exact right level of comedic-timing and emotional gravitas that you'd want in a role like this. Kate Micucci is flawless as Webby, and she's quickly becoming one of my favourite actors full-stop. Initially, you may find it hard to believe that Huey, Dewey and Louie are actually kids, given their adult voice actors, but once you get used to their voices, you too will understand that Pudi, Schwartz and Moynihan are absolutely perfect picks for the three triplets. They're able to sound similar enough that you believe they could be related, but distinct enough that you can tell them apart even from off-screen. I'll take 'vaguely adult' over 'the same person voicing all three of them' any day of the week. The only thing I have a slight issue with is Donald's voice. They use the regular Donald Duck voice actor, and at times I had a little trouble understanding what he was saying, but that's not new. The show even addresses it on numerous occasions, and he's not in the show very often, so I can let it slide. Oh, and did I mention the recurring/guest cast? Keith Ferguson, Jim Rash, Lin-Manuel Miranda, Kimiko Glenn, Catherine Tate, Allison Janney, I could rave about this cast all day, but I do need to move on to other things.
The cast is great, and thankfully, their characters are just as wonderful. Scrooge is delightful to watch, and he has that exact right balance of energetic adventurer and elderly miser that makes him such an amazing character. Even when Scrooge isn't the focus of an episode, he's usually the comic relief on the side, and he does wonders in that role. What I also really appreciate is that they actually gave the triplets unique personalities of their own. This not only helps us remember who each of them are, but allows the three of them to bounce off each other in ways we haven't seen before. Huey is a bright-eyed boy scout, Dewey is an impetuous rogue and Louie is a shady con-artist, and their dynamic when they butt heads is glorious. Launchpad steals the comedic spotlight, however, and every line out of his mouth is a winner, or, at the very least, a grinner. But the real treats were from the characters I wasn't expecting to be what they ended up being. Webby at one point stole the runner-up spot as funniest character on the show, and a lot of that comes down to Micucci's performance, but it's really all a result of her role as a Clan McDuck fanatic. In one episode, I was splitting my sides watching her just lie on the ground and take in her surroundings. I will not dare spoil what they do with Mrs. Beakley, because it's another wonderful surprise. Just know that every single one of these characters, even the recurring/one-off ones, are memorable as anything, and there's not a single weak link in the chain.
And the writing? Oh, my God, don't get me started on the writing. If I could sum it up with one word it would be this: clever. It's such a clever show. The comedy is clever. It doesn't resort to poop-jokes for the sake of entertaining the kids. In fact, in 23 episodes, I don't think there was a single low-brow joke, and if there was one, it was always smarter than just having a character fart for no reason. The stories are clever. A lot of them are standalone adventures, but they're all so incredibly unique and interesting that I just don't care. Each standalone story takes it premise and dials it all the way up to its maximum level all within 20 minutes. There is one episode that takes place within the span of one place crash, and it's perhaps the most emotionally stirring of them all. On that note, the emotion is clever. There are some real tear-jerker scenes here. I know, in DUCKTALES, I could hardly believe it. And, a lot of that comes down to the season-long story arcs, which are gold. Pure 24-carat gold. There are a few of them that all weave throughout the season, and even though there are a lot of standalone stories, the plot threads woven throughout all come together in the last 4 episodes or so to deal us some really intense action, emotion and comedy that intertwine with each other superbly. This is a show that knows exactly what it wants to do and does it in the most entertaining way possible. It's honestly infuriating how good this is for a kid's show.
Curse me kilts, DuckTales Season 1 (2017-18) is just amazing. Watch it if you haven't already. I cannot wait for Season 2. Bring it on. Woo-oo. 9.5/10.
DuckTales Season 1 (2017-18) |
I know a lot of people were thrown off initially by the animation style, but this show is beautiful to watch. They've gone for a mix between the original show's animation style and the look of the comic books from which the characters are based, and weirdly, this helps the show stand out even more. The attention to detail in some shots is stunning, and what's even more impressive is how this, really, simple style of animation is able to carry across the more emotional moments whenever they come up, though that's more for later. The soundtrack isn't over-the-top or too ambitious, which I like. It more helps to service the story, and though it isn't something I'd download and listen to on my own time, it wasn't intended to be, and it works fine for the show. That is, of course, with the exception of the opening theme song. Again, while it's a different take on the original theme song, it really works, and I found myself jumping in my seat and singing along every time it came on.
David Tennant as Scrooge McDuck |
The voice actors are unbelievable. Honestly, I find it hard to believe they got some of these people; they're honestly the best thing about the show. Every inflection, every stutter, every word is wonderfully read, and each and every one of these people brought their characters to life like no one else could. This is the perfect cast. David Tennant shines as Uncle Scrooge, and he has the exact right level of comedic-timing and emotional gravitas that you'd want in a role like this. Kate Micucci is flawless as Webby, and she's quickly becoming one of my favourite actors full-stop. Initially, you may find it hard to believe that Huey, Dewey and Louie are actually kids, given their adult voice actors, but once you get used to their voices, you too will understand that Pudi, Schwartz and Moynihan are absolutely perfect picks for the three triplets. They're able to sound similar enough that you believe they could be related, but distinct enough that you can tell them apart even from off-screen. I'll take 'vaguely adult' over 'the same person voicing all three of them' any day of the week. The only thing I have a slight issue with is Donald's voice. They use the regular Donald Duck voice actor, and at times I had a little trouble understanding what he was saying, but that's not new. The show even addresses it on numerous occasions, and he's not in the show very often, so I can let it slide. Oh, and did I mention the recurring/guest cast? Keith Ferguson, Jim Rash, Lin-Manuel Miranda, Kimiko Glenn, Catherine Tate, Allison Janney, I could rave about this cast all day, but I do need to move on to other things.
Ben Schwartz as Dewey Duck, Danny Pudi as Huey Duck and Bobby Moynihan as Louie Duck |
The cast is great, and thankfully, their characters are just as wonderful. Scrooge is delightful to watch, and he has that exact right balance of energetic adventurer and elderly miser that makes him such an amazing character. Even when Scrooge isn't the focus of an episode, he's usually the comic relief on the side, and he does wonders in that role. What I also really appreciate is that they actually gave the triplets unique personalities of their own. This not only helps us remember who each of them are, but allows the three of them to bounce off each other in ways we haven't seen before. Huey is a bright-eyed boy scout, Dewey is an impetuous rogue and Louie is a shady con-artist, and their dynamic when they butt heads is glorious. Launchpad steals the comedic spotlight, however, and every line out of his mouth is a winner, or, at the very least, a grinner. But the real treats were from the characters I wasn't expecting to be what they ended up being. Webby at one point stole the runner-up spot as funniest character on the show, and a lot of that comes down to Micucci's performance, but it's really all a result of her role as a Clan McDuck fanatic. In one episode, I was splitting my sides watching her just lie on the ground and take in her surroundings. I will not dare spoil what they do with Mrs. Beakley, because it's another wonderful surprise. Just know that every single one of these characters, even the recurring/one-off ones, are memorable as anything, and there's not a single weak link in the chain.
Kate Micucci as Webby Vanderquack |
And the writing? Oh, my God, don't get me started on the writing. If I could sum it up with one word it would be this: clever. It's such a clever show. The comedy is clever. It doesn't resort to poop-jokes for the sake of entertaining the kids. In fact, in 23 episodes, I don't think there was a single low-brow joke, and if there was one, it was always smarter than just having a character fart for no reason. The stories are clever. A lot of them are standalone adventures, but they're all so incredibly unique and interesting that I just don't care. Each standalone story takes it premise and dials it all the way up to its maximum level all within 20 minutes. There is one episode that takes place within the span of one place crash, and it's perhaps the most emotionally stirring of them all. On that note, the emotion is clever. There are some real tear-jerker scenes here. I know, in DUCKTALES, I could hardly believe it. And, a lot of that comes down to the season-long story arcs, which are gold. Pure 24-carat gold. There are a few of them that all weave throughout the season, and even though there are a lot of standalone stories, the plot threads woven throughout all come together in the last 4 episodes or so to deal us some really intense action, emotion and comedy that intertwine with each other superbly. This is a show that knows exactly what it wants to do and does it in the most entertaining way possible. It's honestly infuriating how good this is for a kid's show.
Beck Bennett as Launchpad McQuack |
Curse me kilts, DuckTales Season 1 (2017-18) is just amazing. Watch it if you haven't already. I cannot wait for Season 2. Bring it on. Woo-oo. 9.5/10.
Friday, August 3, 2018
Off the Cuff Plays Crash Bandicoot: The Wrath of Cortex (2001)
*sigh* This is depressing. If there were ever any doubt that I was applying too much nostalgia to me previous reviews, this game destroys all of that. This was the first PlayStation 2 game I ever played, and what a poor start it was. Crash Bandicoot: The Wrath of Cortex (2001) is one of the poorest letdown sequels I've ever seen, and I remember now why I've never fully completed this game until doing so for this review. Let's get this over with. Crash Bandicoot: The Wrath of Cortex is a linear platformer developed by Traveller's Tales and published by Vivendi Universal Interactive Publishing and Konami.
Cortex has come up with a new plan to take over the world and destroy Crash: a... new bandicoot warrior. However, he has no way to... power his new creation... um... okay, look, for as paper thin as the previous games' plots were, this one is really stretching it. It's cool that we get to see the bandicoot warrior that Cortex always envisioned, but the game treats it as some epic tale that the story really doesn't deserve. The intro cutscene goes for 10 minutes. Jesus. Anyway, they decide to unearth ancient masks known as the Elementals, another neat concept that is kind of mishandled if you ask me, and they work together with Crunch Bandicoot to try and destroy Crash. Luckily, Aku Aku realises that the Elemental masks can be returned to hibernation with the use of crystals and for the love of GOD! Crystals? Again? Despite the fact that the previous games went out of their way to say there were no more power sources left on the planet; that's why time travel was the gimmick of the previous game. So, the game essentially becomes exactly what we've seen in the previous titles: make your way from one end of the level to the other and pick up the crystal. Nothing new or innovative to show off the power of the new console, just the same ol' stuff. Well... actually, no, I'll get to that later, because we first learn that we're collecting these crystals with a portal chamber that Coco built because of course she'd be able to do that from the middle of a remote island far from civilisation. See, 10 minutes in and already I'm angry. This is gonna be fun. Well, not really, but... no, there's nothing else to say. I shouldn't have lied and said this would be fun.
Even the visuals are a distinct downgrade, which is really weird for a new console, but exactly 0% of the character models look anywhere near as good as they did in Warped. The textures just aren't there. They all just look like balls of play-doh with no detailing that actually makes them look... good. I'm sorry, but it's a big deal that this game looks worse than even the first Crash Bandicoot game from 5 years earlier. It's a new console! Anyway, the levels themselves look fine enough, but something you'll quickly discover is that rather than there being 7 or 8 different environments with varying obstacles in each one that get more and more difficult as the level types return in future warp rooms, in this game you'll be lucky to see the same environment return even once. Every level is a different location, which would be fine if every level was good, but few are. The problem is that since no level type makes a return, every level has unique enemies to fight, the result of which is that every enemy can be killed by the same attack. With repeating levels from previous games, the enemies could be more varied within the levels themselves, but since each level in this game introduces a new set of enemies, if they changed up how you attack them there would be too many enemies to learn how to kill. I know it seems weird to harp on about this, but it makes the level design really lazy and boring, which is another big deal considering the levels in this game are so much bigger than the previous, and not in a good way. You'll find yourself reaching checkpoint after checkpoint and wondering why the level's still going on. The beauty of the previous games were that every level was pretty much finished in no more than 5 minutes once you got good with them, but here the longest level is around 5 minutes on its own. There is a level that contains over 200 boxes. That is simply overkill. It also doesn't help that the camera is a nightmare. One of the things they've done in this game is make the turns sharper, for some reason. In the previous games, even though there were corners to turn, it was all pretty much the one corridor, and you could see where you were going at all times. Here, when you're turning a corner, visibility becomes zero, and sometimes you'll die because of it. I'm sorry, but when a game is actively working against you, that's a problem. And, you know how some levels in the previous games were climbing up things or functioned more like side-scrollers? Yeah, here side-scrollers are pretty much reserved for bonus rounds, and all platforming levels consist of long corridors with barely any bottomless pits and enemies you can easily jump around that do barely anything to actually hinder you. They made the visuals more varied, but the game itself is pretty much the exact same thing the whole way through.
The same cannot be said for the vehicle segments. You thought they were too common in Warped? You haven't seen anything yet. There are exactly 2 'vehicle' levels that repeat in this game: the swimming levels which are utter garbage since they made it so much slower, especially when you get the submarine, which is a vehicle section within a vehicle section, which is just overkill, and the Atlasphere, which is honestly the only good thing this game has going for it. Basically, Crash is stuck in a ball, and must roll himself around the level, and the physics are perfect, the controls are tight and the corridors are actually fun to roll through. Pretty much every other vehicle level is a bust, and sometimes there are vehicle segments within platforming levels, just in case this game wasn't varied enough. Whereas Warped had 2 vehicle levels every warp room, here you'll be lucky to get 1 level in a warp room that is just a platformer. Here, we get flying a plane, riding a mine cart, driving a jeep, flying a dragonfly, riding a scooter, operating a jetpack, riding a snowboard, hanging off monkeybars, flying a spaceship, operating a mech suit... it's just too much. And, rant incoming, but the level where you race the other characters in a jeep is the single worst Crash level I've ever played. Everything about this level is wrong. The turning arc is non existent, the camera is worse than it is in the other levels, and being fast in this thing is almost a death sentence. Getting the gem on this level was the worst thing I've ever done in any Crash game, and I will go to my grave defending this stance. Another almost cool thing this game does is give Coco her own platforming levels, but whereas in the N. Sane Trilogy it was an aesthetic thing and the two operated exactly the same, in this game, Coco is just plain worse. Not only does she not get any of Crash's power-ups from defeating bosses, but Crash's slide which can lead into a slide-jump which is honestly the most fun part of controlling Crash has been replaced with a leg kick that stops Coco dead in her tracks and slowly sweeps in front of her with her leg. You will never need to use this button. It's the worst.
Not even the Elemental masks, for how cool a concept they are, can save this game. While you might think that boss fights about the elements themselves would make for some cool encounters, these are far from exciting. Only the final boss fight really felt like a fun challenge, and the others just ranged from easy to boring. And the struggle for 100% completion? No, no, no. Every single level's box gem can be obtained on the first pass through the level. Seriously. Every single one. There are no puzzles to work out to gain access to new paths through levels, no secret exits to find new areas or new levels entirely, nothing original, nothing to test you, nothing to make you explore, just f***ing NOTHING! Not even the time trials were a decent challenge half the time, since the level design is so nothing that you can just run past the majority of enemies without a second thought. It's pathetic. It's honestly pathetic, and that's probably the best word I can use to describe this game. Alright, alright, I need to talk about some positives, well, Crash is still fun to control, I'll say that. The physics are still fine, jumping still works, slide-jumping is still the most fun thing to do, and the swimming levels are made slightly more bearable when you gain access to the death tornado spin which allows you to speed through the water in record time, that's fun at least. If this game has one saving grace, however, it's the soundtrack. Holy crap, this soundtrack is exquisite. One of the pros to having every level be a different environment is that we get a new track for every level, and they're all top-notch. Honestly, look up the soundtrack online. That way you'll get to listen to a fantastic score, and you won't have to play the game to do it. I can even forgive that the Cortex boss fight music doesn't incorporate the same motif that was in every other Cortex theme, since then music they use is wonderful on its own. This might just be my favourite Crash Bandicoot OST yet: it's multi-genre, it's varied, it's orchestrated wonderfully, it just ticks all my boxes.
Alas, some great music and the fact that Crash still controls the same doesn't redeem Crash Bandicoot: The Wrath of Cortex (2001) of all its flaws. I haven't played the other Crash games in a while, but I think I can call it here. This is the worst one. At least, of the main series games, this Crash is the worst Crash, and no one will be able to change my mind. 3/10.
Crash Bandicoot: The Wrath of Cortex (2001) |
Cortex has come up with a new plan to take over the world and destroy Crash: a... new bandicoot warrior. However, he has no way to... power his new creation... um... okay, look, for as paper thin as the previous games' plots were, this one is really stretching it. It's cool that we get to see the bandicoot warrior that Cortex always envisioned, but the game treats it as some epic tale that the story really doesn't deserve. The intro cutscene goes for 10 minutes. Jesus. Anyway, they decide to unearth ancient masks known as the Elementals, another neat concept that is kind of mishandled if you ask me, and they work together with Crunch Bandicoot to try and destroy Crash. Luckily, Aku Aku realises that the Elemental masks can be returned to hibernation with the use of crystals and for the love of GOD! Crystals? Again? Despite the fact that the previous games went out of their way to say there were no more power sources left on the planet; that's why time travel was the gimmick of the previous game. So, the game essentially becomes exactly what we've seen in the previous titles: make your way from one end of the level to the other and pick up the crystal. Nothing new or innovative to show off the power of the new console, just the same ol' stuff. Well... actually, no, I'll get to that later, because we first learn that we're collecting these crystals with a portal chamber that Coco built because of course she'd be able to do that from the middle of a remote island far from civilisation. See, 10 minutes in and already I'm angry. This is gonna be fun. Well, not really, but... no, there's nothing else to say. I shouldn't have lied and said this would be fun.
Coco and Crash |
Even the visuals are a distinct downgrade, which is really weird for a new console, but exactly 0% of the character models look anywhere near as good as they did in Warped. The textures just aren't there. They all just look like balls of play-doh with no detailing that actually makes them look... good. I'm sorry, but it's a big deal that this game looks worse than even the first Crash Bandicoot game from 5 years earlier. It's a new console! Anyway, the levels themselves look fine enough, but something you'll quickly discover is that rather than there being 7 or 8 different environments with varying obstacles in each one that get more and more difficult as the level types return in future warp rooms, in this game you'll be lucky to see the same environment return even once. Every level is a different location, which would be fine if every level was good, but few are. The problem is that since no level type makes a return, every level has unique enemies to fight, the result of which is that every enemy can be killed by the same attack. With repeating levels from previous games, the enemies could be more varied within the levels themselves, but since each level in this game introduces a new set of enemies, if they changed up how you attack them there would be too many enemies to learn how to kill. I know it seems weird to harp on about this, but it makes the level design really lazy and boring, which is another big deal considering the levels in this game are so much bigger than the previous, and not in a good way. You'll find yourself reaching checkpoint after checkpoint and wondering why the level's still going on. The beauty of the previous games were that every level was pretty much finished in no more than 5 minutes once you got good with them, but here the longest level is around 5 minutes on its own. There is a level that contains over 200 boxes. That is simply overkill. It also doesn't help that the camera is a nightmare. One of the things they've done in this game is make the turns sharper, for some reason. In the previous games, even though there were corners to turn, it was all pretty much the one corridor, and you could see where you were going at all times. Here, when you're turning a corner, visibility becomes zero, and sometimes you'll die because of it. I'm sorry, but when a game is actively working against you, that's a problem. And, you know how some levels in the previous games were climbing up things or functioned more like side-scrollers? Yeah, here side-scrollers are pretty much reserved for bonus rounds, and all platforming levels consist of long corridors with barely any bottomless pits and enemies you can easily jump around that do barely anything to actually hinder you. They made the visuals more varied, but the game itself is pretty much the exact same thing the whole way through.
Compactor Reactor |
The same cannot be said for the vehicle segments. You thought they were too common in Warped? You haven't seen anything yet. There are exactly 2 'vehicle' levels that repeat in this game: the swimming levels which are utter garbage since they made it so much slower, especially when you get the submarine, which is a vehicle section within a vehicle section, which is just overkill, and the Atlasphere, which is honestly the only good thing this game has going for it. Basically, Crash is stuck in a ball, and must roll himself around the level, and the physics are perfect, the controls are tight and the corridors are actually fun to roll through. Pretty much every other vehicle level is a bust, and sometimes there are vehicle segments within platforming levels, just in case this game wasn't varied enough. Whereas Warped had 2 vehicle levels every warp room, here you'll be lucky to get 1 level in a warp room that is just a platformer. Here, we get flying a plane, riding a mine cart, driving a jeep, flying a dragonfly, riding a scooter, operating a jetpack, riding a snowboard, hanging off monkeybars, flying a spaceship, operating a mech suit... it's just too much. And, rant incoming, but the level where you race the other characters in a jeep is the single worst Crash level I've ever played. Everything about this level is wrong. The turning arc is non existent, the camera is worse than it is in the other levels, and being fast in this thing is almost a death sentence. Getting the gem on this level was the worst thing I've ever done in any Crash game, and I will go to my grave defending this stance. Another almost cool thing this game does is give Coco her own platforming levels, but whereas in the N. Sane Trilogy it was an aesthetic thing and the two operated exactly the same, in this game, Coco is just plain worse. Not only does she not get any of Crash's power-ups from defeating bosses, but Crash's slide which can lead into a slide-jump which is honestly the most fun part of controlling Crash has been replaced with a leg kick that stops Coco dead in her tracks and slowly sweeps in front of her with her leg. You will never need to use this button. It's the worst.
Bamboozled |
Not even the Elemental masks, for how cool a concept they are, can save this game. While you might think that boss fights about the elements themselves would make for some cool encounters, these are far from exciting. Only the final boss fight really felt like a fun challenge, and the others just ranged from easy to boring. And the struggle for 100% completion? No, no, no. Every single level's box gem can be obtained on the first pass through the level. Seriously. Every single one. There are no puzzles to work out to gain access to new paths through levels, no secret exits to find new areas or new levels entirely, nothing original, nothing to test you, nothing to make you explore, just f***ing NOTHING! Not even the time trials were a decent challenge half the time, since the level design is so nothing that you can just run past the majority of enemies without a second thought. It's pathetic. It's honestly pathetic, and that's probably the best word I can use to describe this game. Alright, alright, I need to talk about some positives, well, Crash is still fun to control, I'll say that. The physics are still fine, jumping still works, slide-jumping is still the most fun thing to do, and the swimming levels are made slightly more bearable when you gain access to the death tornado spin which allows you to speed through the water in record time, that's fun at least. If this game has one saving grace, however, it's the soundtrack. Holy crap, this soundtrack is exquisite. One of the pros to having every level be a different environment is that we get a new track for every level, and they're all top-notch. Honestly, look up the soundtrack online. That way you'll get to listen to a fantastic score, and you won't have to play the game to do it. I can even forgive that the Cortex boss fight music doesn't incorporate the same motif that was in every other Cortex theme, since then music they use is wonderful on its own. This might just be my favourite Crash Bandicoot OST yet: it's multi-genre, it's varied, it's orchestrated wonderfully, it just ticks all my boxes.
Crunch Time |
Alas, some great music and the fact that Crash still controls the same doesn't redeem Crash Bandicoot: The Wrath of Cortex (2001) of all its flaws. I haven't played the other Crash games in a while, but I think I can call it here. This is the worst one. At least, of the main series games, this Crash is the worst Crash, and no one will be able to change my mind. 3/10.
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