Off The Cuff Plays The Spongebob Squarepants Movie (PS2) (2004)

Well, after some time off, I'm back with the reviews. And, yeah, I know, of all the things to review, but after Wrath of Cortex drained me, I felt I needed a palette cleanser. And this has always been my go-to 'chill out' game, though I've never completed it 100%. What better time to do so than for a review, so here we go. It's The SpongeBob Squarepants Movie: The Game on PlayStation 2 (2004). The SpongeBob Squarepants Movie: The Game is a 3D linear platformer developed Heavy Iron Studios and published by THQ.

The SpongeBob Squarepants Movie: The Game (2004)

There's really not much point in going over the plot of this game, since it follows the plot of the 2004 movie pretty accurately, with a couple of allowances for it being a game. Basically, Plankton stole King Neptune's crown and framed Mr. Krabs for it, and now SpongeBob and Patrick have to go and get it back. Each main level has you control either SpongeBob or Patrick, who actually play fairly differently from each other, and platform your way to the end of the level, usually completing sub-objectives along the way. Doing so earns you a Goofy Goober token and access to the next level. Each main platforming level also has several extra Goofy Goober tokens which can be earned in a number of ways. Sometimes you'll be warped to a bonus room, sometimes it's a special task in the level, sometimes you'll have to return later after unlocking a certain new ability. Speaking of which, at the start of each main platforming level, Mindy the Mermaid will provide either SpongeBob or Patrick (depending on whose level it is) with a new attack, provided they have enough Goofy Goober tokens to unlock it. This encourages the player to not only explore new levels for the tokens they'll need in the future, but also to backtrack to previous levels and make sure they've gotten everything they can there. Each level also features a number of hidden treasure chests, which unlock extras in the options menu, which could be movie clips, new costumes, art packs or cosmetic changes for the game. Suffice it to say, there's an awful lot of game here, especially for being a movie tie-in.

No Cheese!

The visuals are... in all honesty, the least impressive thing about this game. It's always hard to translate a 2D environment into a 3D engine, and here it turned out only okay. The models of SpongeBob, Patrick and Mindy look great, but everything else ranges from okay to bad. Mr. Krabs, for example, looks horrible, as do background fish in cutscenes. Fortunately, the in-game models for enemies look fine enough. The environments are honestly great, however. Not only are they bristling with detail but each one is vastly different from any other, which helps the levels stand out with their own identity. Let me put it this way: it's been about 5 years since I last played this, yet the unique environments helped me remember which levels had what patterns, since they were all so distinct from each other. The soundtrack is also a win, and there are some tracks that I'll catch myself humming even now. They were remarkably restrained with using songs from the show or movie, in that I don't think I heard the main SpongeBob theme once. The only exception to this was a great one, however, as hearing Goofy Goober Rock during the final boss fight was genius. The characters are also fully voiced by the returning actors from the show and movie, including Scarlett Johansson and Jeffrey Tambor as Mindy and Neptune, with the exception of Alec Baldwin as Dennis, and the dialogue has that classic SpongeBob wit and humour that you'd expect, even the lines that weren't taken from the movie. The only problem I have with the voice acting is that, usually, the same lines are triggered in the same location every time you pass by, meaning that if you keep dying, you'll likely hear the same line of dialogue over and over and over and over and over again, which can become grating.

Uh oh.

The controls are wonderful. SpongeBob and Patrick did exactly what I wanted them to do when I wanted them to do it, which is a big feat for a movie tie-in game. The two characters even control a little differently. SpongeBob is lighter and faster, while Patrick is slower, but hits harder. Even the one attack they share, the spin attack, functions a little differently, as SpongeBob can use it to hover a little in the air, making his descent a little easier. The enemies are varied enough that they don't all go down with the same attack, and the game actually helps you out with this, since whenever a new enemy type appears, a small cutscene plays that basically shows you their attack patterns and weak spots, which is very helpful, especially for kids. Each different attack has its uses, and even though some are far more situational than others (Cartwheel, Uppercut), you will get your money's worth with each attack by the end of the game. There's even an upgrade system, as if you collect enough Manliness Points, you can spend them to either bump an attack to its maximum power or give SpongeBob or Patrick an extra hit point. These can be spent in whichever order the player chooses. The 4 boss battles are also really great, although the final boss fight against Neptune is the only one I would call fantastic. 2 rely on Patrick, the other 2 SpongeBob, and they mostly utilise whichever attack you most recently learned, although the later ones mix it up a little more.

Bubble Blowing Baby Hunt

Earlier I made a point of saying 'each main platforming level' since there are actually two other level types I haven't mentioned yet. The Patty Wagon driving levels have you driving through a course, either once through or in 3 laps, to the finish, while the Slide levels have you sliding through cliffs or pipes or whatever, with the player only able to move left, right, or jump. The traction on the Patty Wagon isn't all too sensitive, and while at times this can prove bothersome, it controls about as well as it could. The only real problem is in the later driving levels where they throw in needless amounts of slippery terrain on the already stiff turning, making some of the challenges far more difficult than they should be. The slide levels are great fun, and are among my favourite levels in the game. Each of these level types have 3 extra Goofy Goober challenges beyond just beating the level the first time. A time challenge, a ring challenge and a harder time challenge. The later time challenges in later levels can be really difficult, and you have to know exactly where to cut corners and jump for shortcuts and use your Nitro boosts to reach the end in time. Fortunately, this is aided by the presence of the Ring challenges, which have you making your way through each ring before it disappears, though this is a double-edged sword. While it's incredibly helpful when they use this to teach you new shortcuts you wouldn't have noticed otherwise, at times the rings can appear too close to you for you to react in time to head through them, and this holds especially true for the Sonic Wave Guitar Challenges as well. In that sense, the game forces you to play it over and over until you learn the layout, instead of it being a skill-based reaction challenge. Fortunately, apart from these issues, the difficulty curve in the rest of the game is perfect, and the game gives you enough time with a certain hazard or enemy before tweaking them to make it more challenging. Combined with the slick controls, I hardly ever felt like a death was the fault of the game. It also felt really nice, and like a true accomplishment when I conquered some of the harder tasks. Getting all 68 Goofy Goober tokens truly is a trial, and I actually feel some sense of pride now that I've done it. Combine that with a noticeable lack of glitches that usually run rampant in rushed-out movie tie-in games and... yeah. This is just a great game.

Sandwich Driving 101

The SpongeBob Squarepants Movie: The Game on PlayStation 2 (2004) is a surprisingly solid package and just a fun game. There's a reason I've been coming back to this game over and over again in my life, and I'm sure to revisit it at some point in the future as well. If nautical nonsense be something you wish, try the game for yourself should you get the chance. 8/10.

Off the Cuff Reviews Magnum Opus (2018)

For those of you who don't know, I do theatre in my spare time. It's what I want to do for a living. Pretty much all of my friends do theatre; it's how I got my current friendship group. It's for this reason that I never wanted to do theatre reviews. And I still think this. I'm not going to review theatre on a regular basis. However, I am going to support theatre whenever I can, especially good theatre, and for this reason, I'm breaking my own rule this one time to review Magnum Opus (2018), the latest from the Phoenix Theatre in Coniston. Buckle up for this one. This is not a review. This is a love letter. Written by Sam Lovell, directed by Matthew Latham and Sam Lovell, and starring Dylan Horvat as Max, Sophie Bentley as Kylie, Arthur Gallagher as Boris, Rory Holloway as Cobra, Jack Taylor as Mario, Carina Louise as Bella, Sam Sweeting as William Shakespeare, Jarrod Riesinger as Christopher Marlowe, Brandon Fairley as Knight Templar and Graeme Downey as Priest.

Okay, where to begin? Well, first and foremost, the premise of the show is divine. It's honestly genius. A guy who hates theatre is given a theatre and must put on a piece of theatre in order to receive the funds to renovate the theatre. It's obviously a play about theatre, but the beauty of it is how little of it feels like a meta-play. And, don't get me wrong, there are meta jokes in this play, but that's not the point. The story itself comes first, and the story drives the comedy. It's also interesting to see a play dissect what makes theatre great and what makes theatre bad so accurately while still being an entertaining piece of theatre in and of itself. It's a breath of fresh air, and it's something we haven't seen in amateur theatre in... wait, no, it's something we haven't seen in theatre before. And yet another praise I can give the story is that it doesn't alienate people who don't work in theatre, or aren't familiar with the theatre politics of the Illawarra. It's an intelligently written script and, although the writer will never admit that, it honestly amazed me how clever this story and writing is.

The same praise has to go to the cast. Holy crap, what a perfect cast. Each and every one of them fulfilled their roles perfectly, and as someone who read the script a few times before production began, they all shone beautifully, and brought the words to life in the best way possible. Dylan Horvat has his first ever lead role, although you'd be hard-pressed to believe that watching him. It feels as though the role was written for him, and it has just the right about of biting cynicism, puppy-dog likeability, and utter s***iness that makes a performance that has the entire package, and I could watch it all day. Not one to be outdone, Sophie Bentley also does a fantastic job as the 'straight man' against the utter wackiness of pretty much everyone else in the cast, but that's not to say she doesn't get her own time to shine. Hers is a more realistic performance, and it's a refreshing one, but when she gets a chance to let loose her own comedic talents, she's one of the best of the lot. Of the three leads, however, it's Arthur Gallagher that steals the show, though with a character like Boris it wouldn't be hard to. Talk about the perfect balance, not only was practically every line out of his mouth a winner, but his levels were sensational. He could go from laughing and happy to bitter and sincere to dark and depressing at the drop of a hat, and Gallagher eats up the role as much as you'd want him to. Seriously, the three leads alone carried the show.

The supporting cast also shine here. Every single one of them has at least one... uh, at least three laugh-out-loud winners, even those that are on for the shortest time, such as Graeme Downey's Priest. He's only in the one scene, yet was wonderful in his limited appearance, and really helped to set the tone of the entire play from the word go. The three actors who played the actors, Rory Holloway, Jack Taylor and Carina Louise, are all wonderful in their roles, with my personal favourite being Taylor's Mario, though all he needed to do was walk out on stage in that costume and he won me over. It's through these three that we not only get a lot of our parallels to actual things that happen in the Illawarra theatre scene, but we also get a lot of humour from just the interactions between them. A lot of people missed it, but one of my favourite parts of the show was Bella trying to 'cheers' while Cobra was going into depth about his past life as a porn star. The three dream sequences ended up being my absolute favourite moments, and the actors, Sam Sweeting, Jarrod Riesinger and Brandon Fairley, did a fantastic job with their limited use. These moments of Horvat interacting with his depiction of Shakespeare were full of humour and... well, I'll get to that in a bit, but speaking of the humour, I don't think I've laughed so hard at anything in a long time. This is a hilarious play. Fair warning, a lot of the references may go over your head if you're slightly older and unfamiliar with what's trending in meme culture currently (and not so currently), but there's enough here that anyone can watch and laugh at.

But, let's talk about my favourite thing about the entire show, and the reason I wanted to write this review in the first place. It's all well and good to call this play hilarious; that's pretty much what everyone else has been doing, but it's worth drawing attention to how much heart and, dare I say, emotion there is to be found here. This is a profound story disguised as a s***post, which might just be the best thing about it. Yes, I was laughing and, yes, that was really enough for me to be entertained, but the moments that impressed me the most were when the show took a moment, slowed down, and just let the characters talk to each other about the things that mattered. Talking about what makes theatre great and why people can ruin it, those were the moments that counted for me, and it was the moments like that which everyone should be walking away and remembering, but also having a long hard think about. It's all well and good to make references to Pepsi or mix-tapes or Shrek, but the thing I'll take away from this is the image of a 'Jason Statham' William Shakespeare explaining why theatre is great. I would have been happy enough to laugh for a few hours and walk away with a smile on my face, but I'll remember Magnum Opus for the story it told and the message it left behind. That might not be what you're expecting me to say, but it's the honest truth. It's not just because I do theatre regularly either, though I suspect that may have something to do with it. This is a show for anyone who loves what they do, despite the fact that it can be a trial to get through sometimes, and you desperately want it to get better. After watching this show, theatre just got a lot better.

Magnum Opus (2018) well and truly lives up to its name. Come for the laughter, stay for the philosophical talks about why people do what they do. Also, the lights were pretty. 10/10.

Off the Cuff Reviews DuckTales: Season 1 (2017-18)

When Disney announced this show years ago, I, like many other people, was a little skeptical. I hadn't seen the original DuckTales cartoon, but a lot of things can go very, very wrong when rebooting something with such a high level of nostalgia. Thankfully, DuckTales Season 1 (2017-18) not only does the original series justice, but is able to stand on its own two legs as a genuinely impressive show. I say this as a 22-year old man talking about a show intended for kids, but this is honestly one of those shows that anyone can watch and enjoy. It's become one of my favourites, and I need to talk about it right now. Starring David Tennant as Scrooge McDuck, Danny Pudi as Huey Duck, Ben Schwartz as Dewey Duck, Bobby Moynihan as Louie Duck, Kate Micucci as Webby Vanderquack, Beck Bennett as Launchpad McQuack, Toks Olagundoye as Mrs. Beakley and Tony Anselmo as Donald Duck.

DuckTales Season 1 (2017-18)

I know a lot of people were thrown off initially by the animation style, but this show is beautiful to watch. They've gone for a mix between the original show's animation style and the look of the comic books from which the characters are based, and weirdly, this helps the show stand out even more. The attention to detail in some shots is stunning, and what's even more impressive is how this, really, simple style of animation is able to carry across the more emotional moments whenever they come up, though that's more for later. The soundtrack isn't over-the-top or too ambitious, which I like. It more helps to service the story, and though it isn't something I'd download and listen to on my own time, it wasn't intended to be, and it works fine for the show. That is, of course, with the exception of the opening theme song. Again, while it's a different take on the original theme song, it really works, and I found myself jumping in my seat and singing along every time it came on.

David Tennant as Scrooge McDuck

The voice actors are unbelievable. Honestly, I find it hard to believe they got some of these people; they're honestly the best thing about the show. Every inflection, every stutter, every word is wonderfully read, and each and every one of these people brought their characters to life like no one else could. This is the perfect cast. David Tennant shines as Uncle Scrooge, and he has the exact right level of comedic-timing and emotional gravitas that you'd want in a role like this. Kate Micucci is flawless as Webby, and she's quickly becoming one of my favourite actors full-stop. Initially, you may find it hard to believe that Huey, Dewey and Louie are actually kids, given their adult voice actors, but once you get used to their voices, you too will understand that Pudi, Schwartz and Moynihan are absolutely perfect picks for the three triplets. They're able to sound similar enough that you believe they could be related, but distinct enough that you can tell them apart even from off-screen. I'll take 'vaguely adult' over 'the same person voicing all three of them' any day of the week. The only thing I have a slight issue with is Donald's voice. They use the regular Donald Duck voice actor, and at times I had a little trouble understanding what he was saying, but that's not new. The show even addresses it on numerous occasions, and he's not in the show very often, so I can let it slide. Oh, and did I mention the recurring/guest cast? Keith Ferguson, Jim Rash, Lin-Manuel Miranda, Kimiko Glenn, Catherine Tate, Allison Janney, I could rave about this cast all day, but I do need to move on to other things. 

Ben Schwartz as Dewey Duck, Danny Pudi as Huey Duck and Bobby Moynihan as Louie Duck

The cast is great, and thankfully, their characters are just as wonderful. Scrooge is delightful to watch, and he has that exact right balance of energetic adventurer and elderly miser that makes him such an amazing character. Even when Scrooge isn't the focus of an episode, he's usually the comic relief on the side, and he does wonders in that role. What I also really appreciate is that they actually gave the triplets unique personalities of their own. This not only helps us remember who each of them are, but allows the three of them to bounce off each other in ways we haven't seen before. Huey is a bright-eyed boy scout, Dewey is an impetuous rogue and Louie is a shady con-artist, and their dynamic when they butt heads is glorious. Launchpad steals the comedic spotlight, however, and every line out of his mouth is a winner, or, at the very least, a grinner. But the real treats were from the characters I wasn't expecting to be what they ended up being. Webby at one point stole the runner-up spot as funniest character on the show, and a lot of that comes down to Micucci's performance, but it's really all a result of her role as a Clan McDuck fanatic. In one episode, I was splitting my sides watching her just lie on the ground and take in her surroundings. I will not dare spoil what they do with Mrs. Beakley, because it's another wonderful surprise. Just know that every single one of these characters, even the recurring/one-off ones, are memorable as anything, and there's not a single weak link in the chain.

Kate Micucci as Webby Vanderquack

And the writing? Oh, my God, don't get me started on the writing. If I could sum it up with one word it would be this: clever. It's such a clever show. The comedy is clever. It doesn't resort to poop-jokes for the sake of entertaining the kids. In fact, in 23 episodes, I don't think there was a single low-brow joke, and if there was one, it was always smarter than just having a character fart for no reason. The stories are clever. A lot of them are standalone adventures, but they're all so incredibly unique and interesting that I just don't care. Each standalone story takes it premise and dials it all the way up to its maximum level all within 20 minutes. There is one episode that takes place within the span of one place crash, and it's perhaps the most emotionally stirring of them all. On that note, the emotion is clever. There are some real tear-jerker scenes here. I know, in DUCKTALES, I could hardly believe it. And, a lot of that comes down to the season-long story arcs, which are gold. Pure 24-carat gold. There are a few of them that all weave throughout the season, and even though there are a lot of standalone stories, the plot threads woven throughout all come together in the last 4 episodes or so to deal us some really intense action, emotion and comedy that intertwine with each other superbly. This is a show that knows exactly what it wants to do and does it in the most entertaining way possible. It's honestly infuriating how good this is for a kid's show.

Beck Bennett as Launchpad McQuack

Curse me kilts, DuckTales Season 1 (2017-18) is just amazing. Watch it if you haven't already. I cannot wait for Season 2. Bring it on. Woo-oo. 9.5/10.

Off the Cuff Plays Crash Bandicoot: The Wrath of Cortex (2001)

*sigh* This is depressing. If there were ever any doubt that I was applying too much nostalgia to me previous reviews, this game destroys all of that. This was the first PlayStation 2 game I ever played, and what a poor start it was. Crash Bandicoot: The Wrath of Cortex (2001) is one of the poorest letdown sequels I've ever seen, and I remember now why I've never fully completed this game until doing so for this review. Let's get this over with. Crash Bandicoot: The Wrath of Cortex is a linear platformer developed by Traveller's Tales and published by Vivendi Universal Interactive Publishing and Konami.

Crash Bandicoot: The Wrath of Cortex (2001)

Cortex has come up with a new plan to take over the world and destroy Crash: a... new bandicoot warrior. However, he has no way to... power his new creation... um... okay, look, for as paper thin as the previous games' plots were, this one is really stretching it. It's cool that we get to see the bandicoot warrior that Cortex always envisioned, but the game treats it as some epic tale that the story really doesn't deserve. The intro cutscene goes for 10 minutes. Jesus. Anyway, they decide to unearth ancient masks known as the Elementals, another neat concept that is kind of mishandled if you ask me, and they work together with Crunch Bandicoot to try and destroy Crash. Luckily, Aku Aku realises that the Elemental masks can be returned to hibernation with the use of crystals and for the love of GOD! Crystals? Again? Despite the fact that the previous games went out of their way to say there were no more power sources left on the planet; that's why time travel was the gimmick of the previous game. So, the game essentially becomes exactly what we've seen in the previous titles: make your way from one end of the level to the other and pick up the crystal. Nothing new or innovative to show off the power of the new console, just the same ol' stuff. Well... actually, no, I'll get to that later, because we first learn that we're collecting these crystals with a portal chamber that Coco built because of course she'd be able to do that from the middle of a remote island far from civilisation. See, 10 minutes in and already I'm angry. This is gonna be fun. Well, not really, but... no, there's nothing else to say. I shouldn't have lied and said this would be fun.

Coco and Crash

Even the visuals are a distinct downgrade, which is really weird for a new console, but exactly 0% of the character models look anywhere near as good as they did in Warped. The textures just aren't there. They all just look like balls of play-doh with no detailing that actually makes them look... good. I'm sorry, but it's a big deal that this game looks worse than even the first Crash Bandicoot game from 5 years earlier. It's a new console! Anyway, the levels themselves look fine enough, but something you'll quickly discover is that rather than there being 7 or 8 different environments with varying obstacles in each one that get more and more difficult as the level types return in future warp rooms, in this game you'll be lucky to see the same environment return even once. Every level is a different location, which would be fine if every level was good, but few are. The problem is that since no level type makes a return, every level has unique enemies to fight, the result of which is that every enemy can be killed by the same attack. With repeating levels from previous games, the enemies could be more varied within the levels themselves, but since each level in this game introduces a new set of enemies, if they changed up how you attack them there would be too many enemies to learn how to kill. I know it seems weird to harp on about this, but it makes the level design really lazy and boring, which is another big deal considering the levels in this game are so much bigger than the previous, and not in a good way. You'll find yourself reaching checkpoint after checkpoint and wondering why the level's still going on. The beauty of the previous games were that every level was pretty much finished in no more than 5 minutes once you got good with them, but here the longest level is around 5 minutes on its own. There is a level that contains over 200 boxes. That is simply overkill. It also doesn't help that the camera is a nightmare. One of the things they've done in this game is make the turns sharper, for some reason. In the previous games, even though there were corners to turn, it was all pretty much the one corridor, and you could see where you were going at all times. Here, when you're turning a corner, visibility becomes zero, and sometimes you'll die because of it. I'm sorry, but when a game is actively working against you, that's a problem. And, you know how some levels in the previous games were climbing up things or functioned more like side-scrollers? Yeah, here side-scrollers are pretty much reserved for bonus rounds, and all platforming levels consist of long corridors with barely any bottomless pits and enemies you can easily jump around that do barely anything to actually hinder you. They made the visuals more varied, but the game itself is pretty much the exact same thing the whole way through.

Compactor Reactor

The same cannot be said for the vehicle segments. You thought they were too common in Warped? You haven't seen anything yet. There are exactly 2 'vehicle' levels that repeat in this game: the swimming levels which are utter garbage since they made it so much slower, especially when you get the submarine, which is a vehicle section within a vehicle section, which is just overkill, and the Atlasphere, which is honestly the only good thing this game has going for it. Basically, Crash is stuck in a ball, and must roll himself around the level, and the physics are perfect, the controls are tight and the corridors are actually fun to roll through. Pretty much every other vehicle level is a bust, and sometimes there are vehicle segments within platforming levels, just in case this game wasn't varied enough. Whereas Warped had 2 vehicle levels every warp room, here you'll be lucky to get 1 level in a warp room that is just a platformer. Here, we get flying a plane, riding a mine cart, driving a jeep, flying a dragonfly, riding a scooter, operating a jetpack, riding a snowboard, hanging off monkeybars, flying a spaceship, operating a mech suit... it's just too much. And, rant incoming, but the level where you race the other characters in a jeep is the single worst Crash level I've ever played. Everything about this level is wrong. The turning arc is non existent, the camera is worse than it is in the other levels, and being fast in this thing is almost a death sentence. Getting the gem on this level was the worst thing I've ever done in any Crash game, and I will go to my grave defending this stance. Another almost cool thing this game does is give Coco her own platforming levels, but whereas in the N. Sane Trilogy it was an aesthetic thing and the two operated exactly the same, in this game, Coco is just plain worse. Not only does she not get any of Crash's power-ups from defeating bosses, but Crash's slide which can lead into a slide-jump which is honestly the most fun part of controlling Crash has been replaced with a leg kick that stops Coco dead in her tracks and slowly sweeps in front of her with her leg. You will never need to use this button. It's the worst. 

Bamboozled

Not even the Elemental masks, for how cool a concept they are, can save this game. While you might think that boss fights about the elements themselves would make for some cool encounters, these are far from exciting. Only the final boss fight really felt like a fun challenge, and the others just ranged from easy to boring. And the struggle for 100% completion? No, no, no. Every single level's box gem can be obtained on the first pass through the level. Seriously. Every single one. There are no puzzles to work out to gain access to new paths through levels, no secret exits to find new areas or new levels entirely, nothing original, nothing to test you, nothing to make you explore, just f***ing NOTHING! Not even the time trials were a decent challenge half the time, since the level design is so nothing that you can just run past the majority of enemies without a second thought. It's pathetic. It's honestly pathetic, and that's probably the best word I can use to describe this game. Alright, alright, I need to talk about some positives, well, Crash is still fun to control, I'll say that. The physics are still fine, jumping still works, slide-jumping is still the most fun thing to do, and the swimming levels are made slightly more bearable when you gain access to the death tornado spin which allows you to speed through the water in record time, that's fun at least. If this game has one saving grace, however, it's the soundtrack. Holy crap, this soundtrack is exquisite. One of the pros to having every level be a different environment is that we get a new track for every level, and they're all top-notch. Honestly, look up the soundtrack online. That way you'll get to listen to a fantastic score, and you won't have to play the game to do it. I can even forgive that the Cortex boss fight music doesn't incorporate the same motif that was in every other Cortex theme, since then music they use is wonderful on its own. This might just be my favourite Crash Bandicoot OST yet: it's multi-genre, it's varied, it's orchestrated wonderfully, it just ticks all my boxes.

Crunch Time

Alas, some great music and the fact that Crash still controls the same doesn't redeem Crash Bandicoot: The Wrath of Cortex (2001) of all its flaws. I haven't played the other Crash games in a while, but I think I can call it here. This is the worst one. At least, of the main series games, this Crash is the worst Crash, and no one will be able to change my mind. 3/10.

Off the Cuff Plays Crash Bandicoot: Warped (1998)

It's been a while since I posted my review of the previous Crash Bandicoot game, and I need to get this out of the way so I can move on to other things. That might sound like I hate this game, and that couldn't be further from the truth. Crash Bandicoot: Warped (1998) is one of my favourite games ever made. It's just that I would much rather play and talk about this game's predecessor, Cortex Strikes Back. That is the far superior game to me, which, again, isn't to say this game adds nothing to the franchise or isn't enjoyable in its own right, far from it. There are just a few things the previous game does a little better than this game that make me prefer it over this one. Crash Bandicoot: Warped is a linear platformer developed by Naughty Dog and published by Sony Computer Entertainment.

Crash Bandicoot: Warped (1998)

Picking up from where the previous game left off, the falling pieces of the Cortex Vortex crash-land on one of the N. Sanity Islands, coincidentally landing on the prison ruins containing Uka Uka, Aku Aku's evil twin brother. It is revealed that Cortex has been working for Uka Uka the entire time, and while Uka Uka is furious at Cortex for losing the crystals, he forgives him since it was Cortex's actions that set Uka Uka free. Together, they come up with a new plan: using a Time Twister Machine created by Dr. Nefarious Tropy to retrieve the crystals in their original places in time before Crash has a chance to collect them in Crash 2. They send minions into the past to collect them, while Crash and Coco arrive at the Time Twister to recover the crystals before the minions have a chance to. Yes, the game is one giant paradox, but once again, the plot of a cartoon platformer doesn't mean s***. The gameplay is what's important, and the bulk of the game remains virtually unchanged from Cortex Strikes Back. You progress through the levels, collect crystals and break every crate in a level to earn its gem. A lot of levels still have more than one gem, but... I'll get to that later.

Dr. Neo Cortex and Uka Uka

Despite the fact that the visuals all look remarkably similar to Crash 2, the one thing that makes this game stand out is the level variety. Due to the time travel gimmick to the game, there are a lot of diverse levels to explore: prehistory, Ancient Egypt, Medieval England, Arabia and even the future (which makes no sense since the whole point of the game is fetching the crystals in their original places in time meaning there shouldn't be any in the future but the levels are fun so who cares). Maybe it's also just because there are more things on screen at any given time, but this is possibly the best looking Crash game so far. The music is also sensational, although the fact that every Bonus Round or Death Route theme is just a variation of the one track is a little annoying, especially since in Crash 2 every theme was completely unique to the stage, but it's not so bad that it ruins the soundtrack, just bad enough that it doesn't raise the soundtrack above the 2nd game's one for me. The boss battles are better than they've ever been, and I have no qualms about saying that these are the best Crash Bandicoot bosses in the entire series. The new bosses' designs are also outstanding, and Dingodile is my favourite Crash boss ever for obvious reasons. The bosses also do more for you than just letting you advance to the rest of the game. For every boss you defeat you unlock a new power-up for Crash to use in every platforming level, which sounds great, but the level design never really does anything to justify them, which probably isn't the best way to phrase that. Yes, the double-jump and death tornado spin are tremendously useful for taking shortcuts through levels, but there are never any levels that are built around mandatory use of the power-ups, which would have helped this game stand out from Crash 2 just that little bit more. If they'd made levels like what Future Tense for the N. Sane Trilogy ended up being, it could have been not just a great game, but a revolutionary one, but they played it safe. There's actually one other grievance I have with the level design, but I'll get to that later.

Toad Village

Although Crash has had his fair share of vehicle stages in the past, this time they're here in spades, and in fact, there are 2 per warp room. Crash's sister, Coco, even gets a chance to play her own levels for the first time, as she gets to ride a tiger along the Great Wall of China, ride a jetski in pirate waters and fly a biplane in one of the wars, while Crash gets to swim through what I think is Atlantis, ride a motorcycle in a 1950s road race, and he gets his own plane levels too. While I've heard some people complain about these levels before, I don't understand it, I think these levels are a great change of pace from the regular platforming, especially for a 3rd instalment of a series. The tiger levels are a personal favourite of mine, and though these are the only ones I actually prefer to the regular platforming, nothing else is what I'd call 'bad' or even 'unenjoyable'. At the very least, they're all about half the length of a regular platforming level, so if you don't like them, it's not the biggest deal in the world. What also isn't technically the biggest deal in the world but really annoys me is the other issue I have with the level design. In my opinion, this level design is far from clever, and is far too easy for my liking, especially when compared to the previous games. There are some levels with no bottomless pits whatsoever, which effectively turns the levels into long corridors which just enemies and ledges to block your path. The only problem with this, is that despite the wider variety of moves available to Crash, 99% of the enemies in your path can be dispatched with any attack you choose, which not only continues to cheapen the inclusion of the power-ups themselves, but is actually really boring. Remember how the 2nd game had a lot of varied enemies that needed spinning or body-slamming or sliding or jumping or sometimes a combination of two of the above but switching the hitboxes so you could only do one at any given time? Yeah, that's gone, and now a simple spin attack will dispatch pretty much everything in the game. See what I mean when I say this game just doesn't have as good a level-design as Crash 2? If you take the level design of Crash 2 and the level variety of Crash 3, you would create the perfect cartoon platformer, and I do not exaggerate when I say that.

Orient Express

In terms of 100% completion, I'm a little torn. On one hand, on top of the usual crystals and gems, this game adds a whole new collectible called Relics, which you obtain by speeding through each level to get the fastest time possible, while breaking crates along the way which stop the clock, and I really enjoy these. It's not enough to just run from start to finish, you have to know which crates to break or leave to save time, and where to sacrifice Aku Aku masks for the sake of the run, or if you should save them to take advantage of invincibility later in the level. There are three tiers of relic: Sapphire, Gold and Platinum. Another thing I love about this system is though a Sapphire is all you need to get the percentage, you need a Gold or better to get the final gem needed to actually complete the game, which is genius. This keeps the players pushing themselves to get better and better times, adding replay value to the game, which is a great thing for a platformer. However, the thing that clinches it for me that this game just wasn't designed nearly as well as the previous is another thing that relates to 100% completion. Whereas in the previous game you obtained the coloured gems by exploring the levels for something that doesn't look quite right and feeling like a genius for figuring it out, now they're all obtained through the death routes, which previously just gave you extra regular gems. There are still secrets in this game, but there are just two, and they are so completely out there and innocuous that it's honestly baffling. There are no clues, nothing that makes them stand out, just random things that are different, but not visually. Not only that, but whereas in the previous game the majority of levels had 2 gems, here it's the minority, meaning that 80% of the levels can be fully completed on their first pass through. Actually, I did the maths on this, and there are exactly 2 levels that you have to revisit at a later point to get the box gem. Just 2. Do you see what I mean when I say I don't think this game is as well-designed as the second? Don't get me wrong, it's still tremendously fun to play, and I love revisiting this game, but it just doesn't get it quite as right as Cortex Strikes Back did.

Dr. Neo Cortex boss fight

Crash Bandicoot: Warped (1998) is a great game that isn't quite as good as the previous instalment. Give me this game over Crash 1 any day of the week, and there's certainly no shame in a silver medal, especially when that gold medal was as good as it was. I honestly feel bad for saying so many bad things about this game. This is my childhood. This was that game I played the most as a kid. Eh. Whatever. I'm a 'professional' critic now. I calls 'em like I sees 'em. 8.5/10.

And so ends the original Crash Bandicoot trilogy, but I'm not done yet. Every game I've reviewed so far has been positive, so I think it's time for something negative. My next review will be... Crash Bandicoot: The Wrath of Cortex. I don't think you're ready for how much I hate that game. Be afraid. Be very afraid. Especially if you are Crash Bandicoot: The Wrath of Cortex. Then you should be the most afraid.

Off the Cuff Reviews Ant-Man and the Wasp (2018)

After what the MCU has been through recently, I went into Ant-Man and the Wasp (2018) wanting a fun, exciting movie, and that's exactly what I got. It's not ground-breaking, or overly intense, or thought-provoking in any way, but that's by design. What we have here is another heist movie in the same vein as the original Ant-Man, and after what happened in Infinity War, that's exactly what this movie needed to be, and I loved it. Starring Paul Rudd as Scott Lang / Ant-Man, Evangeline Lilly as Hope van Dyne / The Wasp, Michael Pena as Luis, Walton Goggins as Sonny Burch, Bobby Cannavale as Jim Paxton, Judy Greer as Maggie, Tip "T.I." Harris as Dave, David Dastmalchian as Kurt, Hannah John-Kamen as Ava Starr / Ghost, Abby Ryder Fortson as Cassie Lang, Randall Park as Jimmy Woo, Michelle Pfeiffer as Janet van Dyne, Laurence Fishburne as Bill Foster and Michael Douglas as Hank Pym.

Ant-Man and the Wasp (2018)

I mentioned that this film is really a heist movie. Well, that was half right. It's half heist movie, half rescue mission, but notice that I don't use the phrase 'superhero movie' here. Because it's not. It's a heist/rescue movie that just so happens to have superheroes in it. And, really, after 20 MCU movies, this is probably the best thing about this film. One of the big strengths of the MCU is that they're able to adapt multiple different genres into their movies, and when they do, those end up being the most unique. Captain America: The Winter Soldier was a spy thriller, Guardians of the Galaxy is a space opera, Spider-Man: Homecoming was a teenage coming-of-age story, and the same thing applies to this film. That's not to say the superhero stuff isn't noteworthy, of course it is, but the fact that the MCU is able to go multi-genre like this is what's going to give it longevity long after the current phase ends. People are already getting a little sick of the traditional Marvel formula (I'm not, but some people are), so the fact that they're able to switch things up both in terms of genre in a film like this, themes in a film like Black Panther and tone in a film like Avengers: Infinity War is a sign of how confident Marvel have become with their story-telling. The three films Marvel have given us this year are an indication of Marvel's range and the fact that all of them were excellent shows us their staying power.

Evangeline Lilly as Janet van Dyne and Paul Rudd as Scott Lang

Don't get me wrong, though. When it needs to be a superhero movie, it's extremely entertaining. The action scenes are superb, and they take advantage of every side of Ant-Man and the Wasp's abilities to give us some really unique set pieces. And I do mean every side. We get the shrinking, the making other objects grow bigger, the ant-control, which is honestly way more impressive here than it was in the first movie. We even get a lot of scenes with Scott as Giant-Man after getting a taste of it in Civil War, and all of that is really great too. The shrinking powers these two have are really the most exciting to watch out of any of the Marvel heroes, and the macro-photography for when they're tiny is still really impressive stuff, but it's just as impressive when Scott is Giant-Man. In fact, the visuals all-round are really great stuff. I love how they brought the villain to life visually, and we'll get to her later, but the way she was constantly flickering in and out of form was very impressive. I don't really have a segue into this, so I'll just say it here: the comedy in this movie is top-notch. After Thor: Ragnarok, this might just be the funniest Marvel film, though it close with the Guardians of the Galaxy movies.

Michael Pena as Luis

The cast is sensational. I really don't have any other words for them. Just fantastic all-round. Paul Rudd is just as great as he's always been, and he continues to prove that there was no other cast for Ant-Man. Evangeline Lilly is just as good in her enhanced role, and the chemistry between the two is pitch perfect, which helps to sell the romance on them a little better, which was one of the things about the original that wasn't quite there. Michael Pena is hilarious, just as he was in the original, and Harris and Dastmalchian still work very well off him, leading to some hilarious non-sequiturs. Michael Douglas is still absolutely flawless as Hank Pym, and I'm so happy he was given more to do here, not that he was underused in the first film, but here he's given more range, which I'm all for. I'm also ecstatic that they found a suitable match for him in the form of Michelle Pfeiffer. She's not in the film for long, but when she's there, she's brilliant. Just as Rudd and Lily's chemistry works, Douglas and Pfeiffer's chemistry is 100% perfect. I have no issues believing these two have been married for 30+ years. It's unfeasible at this point, but if you can give me a standalone movie focusing specifically on Michael Douglas and Michelle Pfeiffer, I'd watch that movie 'til the day I die.

Michael Douglas as Hank Pym

And now, we need to talk about everyone's favourite punching-bag of any Marvel movie: the villain. We've had two incredibly strong villains this year, in the form of Michael B. Jordan's Killmonger and Josh Brolin's Thanos, which is why I feel like everyone's going to dislike the villain we got in this movie, but while she doesn't quite rise to the heights of the other villains we've had this year, I still thought she was really good. It's a more personal motivation for this villain, which I'm not against. One of the most compelling attributes a villain can have for me is desperation, and they leant into this angle just enough that it made her really sympathetic in places, which is only aided by the fact that her back-story is genuinely sad. I have no problem understanding her motivations or actions throughout the film. Not to mention, she's acted well by Hannah John-Kamen, and her abilities are really impressive, not just visually, but in the action as well. I feel like the only real let-down for her character was in how they ended her story. I just felt that it was a little too clean, and the phrase 'deus ex machina' comes to mind. She's not a huge focus, so it's not that big a deal, but I feel like it could have been a little stronger as a conclusion.

Hannah John-Kamen as Ava Scott

In summary, Ant-Man and the Wasp (2018) was a fantastically entertaining time and I'm sure to return to this again and again. Time will tell where it ranks amongst the other MCU films, but I can say confidently that it ranks higher than the original Ant-Man, and given how much I loved the first Ant-Man, that should tell you all you need to know. 9/10.

Off the Cuff Plays Crash Bandicoot 2: Cortex Strikes Back (1997)

Okay. This is the one. If ever I had to overlook nostalgia, it's here. Simply put, there was a time when I considered Crash Bandicoot 2: Cortex Strikes Back (1997) my favourite video game of all time. I was in love with this game. And today? Yeah, that's about right. I still love this game. Whether or not I'd call it my favourite of all time is another story, but one thing that cannot be denied is that this game is one of the best sequels ever made. Everything from the first game was improved and amplified, and I will delight in being able to talk about it now. Crash Bandicoot 2: Cortex Strikes Back is a linear platformer developed by Naughty Dog and published by Sony COmputer Entertainment.

Crash Bandicoot 2: Cortex Strikes Back (1997)

After his defeat in the previous game, Cortex discovers a new source of power in the form of ancient crystals, and wishes to gather all of them in order to power his Cortex Vortex and enslave the world. However, with his animal army disbanded, he turns to Crash himself, tricking him into thinking he needs the crystals to save the world from an upcoming planetary alignment. Though Crash believes Cortex, Dr. Brio from the previous game also gets in touch, telling him that the gems are needed to stop Cortex, and as long as Crash is working for him, he will be sending his minions out to kill him in the form of the boss battles. So, a little bit more story here than in the previous game, and while it's an interesting one, it's ruined by the fact that the player character has motivations that conflict with what the player knows. Call it dramatic irony, that has no place here. Yes, it's not a big deal but it is a little frustrating that to advance the game, you have to do the one thing you've been told is a bad thing to do. All of the gameplay from Crash 1 is back, though Crash has more moves in his repertoire. He can slide into enemies, belly-flop onto enemies, slide jump for greater height and distance, and there are a wider variety of vehicles. While the first game only had the hog riding, this game has polar bear riding, jet-skiing and jetpack flying.

Crash Bandicoot and Dr. Neo Cortex

So, this game takes everything that made Crash 1 great, culls everything that didn't, and adds more into the mix, truly making it a phenomenal sequel. The graphics are so much cleaner than they were in the previous; everything just seems a lot less polygonal and more smooth, and Crash's model received an overhaul. It also helps that the environments are much more varied this time, and we have locales such as the Antarctic, a sewer, space, a swamp, ancient ruins, and they all look stellar. The soundtrack also received a welcome buff, and these tracks are much more melodic than the previous game. This game features some of my favourite video game tracks of all time, with the jet-pack music and the Cortex boss music being significant highlights. Crash also controls much better, particularly in the air. You have a lot more control over where Crash goes whilst in the air, making those terrifying jumps over bottomless pits much more manageable. Slid-jumping feels amazing to do, and when you get good with it you can pull off some really impressive shortcuts. The vehicle segments also handle really well, though some (the jet-pack) take a bit of getting used to. Even if you're not a fan of these gameplay segments, they're over really quickly, and there's not many of them anyway.

Snow Go

While the core gameplay of 'get to the end of the level' hasn't changed, there is a lot of new stuff here. You know have a central warp room for accessing levels, and you can pick 1 of 5 levels in any order you wish, and once you beat them all, you can take on a boss fight for access to the next area. While I miss the feeling of going on one big adventure, this is a far better option for gameplay. The crystals themselves are really hard to miss, and really just serve as a vessel for playing the levels themselves rather than being a final goal for you. The gems are back, and you still get 1 in each level for breaking all the boxes, but this time you can die as much as you like in a level, and still get the gem if you've broken every crate, which is a more than welcome improvement. The take-away is that it's generally a lot harder to break every box. There are a lot of hidden paths throughout levels which lead to other levels and give you new areas to break boxes. Some gems are flat-out impossible to get on a first playthrough, and you have to really experiment with what looks out of place in order to find everything, which I really like. For a linear platformer to do something like what an open-world platformer would do is really impressive. Not to mention, some levels also have a second gem which you get for completing some other objective. The majority of the time it's through the Death Routes, which you must access without dying up to that point (a holdover from Crash 1) and finish the path you're taken to. Other times, it could be practically anything, and this is where the experimenting comes into play. The secrets themselves are not so hidden as to be impossible, but they're subtle enough that you feel like a genius when you figure it out. 100%ing this game for the first time is one of the most satisfying things I've ever done in a game, and it's something that I can now do in one sitting if I feel like it. I know the level paths inside and out, a testament to the amazing level design at play here.

The Eel Deal

Even though there's a bigger variety of levels on display, the core bottomless pit level design hasn't changed, though sometimes the 'bottomless pits' are water for Crash to drown in, or pools of electric eels. It's not always hopping over pits like it was in the first game, and even though some levels don't have any pits at all, the level design never gets boring or predictable. Just when you think you've seen all there is to see from a level type, they throw something new at you, and you have to stay on your toes and not get too complacent. Not to mention, the enemies have adjusted somewhat for Crash's new moveset. There are some enemies that can only be defeated with a slide, or just a spin, or even some that alternate between the two. Especially when it comes to the tight corridors packed with enemies, you need to be on alert, juggling between the 3 action buttons at maximum efficiency, otherwise you'll slip up and die. That said, the challenge is never too ridiculous or hard to overcome. The progression of difficulty throughout is a perfect rise, and it's all done so effortlessly it's almost upsetting. The only real drawback to this game is that the boss battles are still a little too easy. Granted, they're more entertaining to play, for the most part, and this time 3 out of the 5 bosses are what I'd consider genuinely good fights. Unfortunately, one of the two that disappoints is the final fight against Cortex, if you could call it a fight. It's just a chase down a corridor, it's so disappointing. The music can only do so much, and though it doesn't ruin the game, it's the one misstep that pulls this game back from what could have been a perfect score.

Tiny Tiger

But, honestly, I have too much fun with this game to care. Crash Bandicoot 2: Cortex Strikes Back (1997) is just amazing. Childhood me wasn't wrong: this is one of my favourite video games I've ever played. Only time and future reviews will tell if it ends up being the best. 9.5/10.