 |
| Fifty Shades of Grey (2015) |
Okay, where to start? Well, I feel like it's important, before talking about the film itself, to discuss its origins. Because, yeah, the original Fifty Shades of Grey novel started out as Twilight fanfiction. The author wrote it on her Blackberry. And, if this is the movie that it spawned, it's entirely noticeable. All of these characters fall into the general tropes of the Twilight characters. You've got the reserved protagonist, the mysterious love-interest, the 'friend-zoned' bestie, the well-meaning parent, they're all here. They even make Anastasia bite her lip constantly; a clear reference to Bella. It's just Twilight, but if vampirism were replaced with bondage. And, if you'll recall, when I reviewed the Twilight movies, I mentioned several times that the vampire/werewolf stuff could have been interesting had it been given more of a focus. So, it's Twilight, but removing the only thing that could have made the stories somewhat interesting. Great, that just means this movie has to try even harder to interest me. However, there's a key point I need to bring up here. And that's in order to 'try harder', you first need to 'try'.
 |
| Dakota Johnson as Anastasia Steele |
Because, good God, there's just nothing in this movie. I have no idea how I'm supposed to squeeze another 3 paragraphs out of this review, because there's really not a lot to comment on. The characters are just as bland as their Twilight counterparts, if not worse. I literally just finished watching the movie, and I don't know if I can tell you a single unique character trait for anyone. Anastasia is such a blank slate, and she's so nothing that I couldn't tell you why Christian Grey has such a fascination with her, though I'll talk about the relationship itself in a second. Grey himself does far too well a job of being mysterious, in that the movie ends and I genuinely don't know a goddamn thing about him. He's too closed off for the film's own good, and it might have worked if we learned something super shocking about him by the end, but we don't. The film hints at a darker backstory, and to be honest, this is the only time the film gets somewhat interesting, but it's never explored, or even touched on. It probably gets, at most, about a minute of total screentime, and the rest is just... just nothing. Disappointingly, there's not even a fun parent character who grounds the protagonist, like in Twilight. Neither parent figure here is given any time to define themselves as a character. Let me put it this way: the highlight of any character moment in the entire film was recognising someone from Arrow. That's not good.
 |
| Eloise Mumford as Kate |
And the relationship itself, the driving force for the entire film, is utter garbage. Right from the introduction to the two main characters, the movie gives us zero reasons why these two characters are compatible, or how the click, or even why they would be interested in each other. In fact, the opening scene does not present Anastasia in a positive light towards Christian at all, so I cannot understand why he would be so fascinated by her. But, but but but, then, after two interactions, Christian already starts to act controlling. He's telling her when to eat, he's controlling her schedule and what she wears and he even has the gall to lecture her about drinking (to the point where he rushes over to get her after a 30 second drunk phone call) after they can't have known each other for more than an hour. I'm sorry, if I'm Anastasia in this scenario, I'm seeing red flag after red flag after red flag with barely any perks to be gained from a relationship like that. Except, oh wait, except for all the s*** he keeps buying her. I know that's not how the film presents it, but if I'm looking at this relationship from outside the context of a romantic film, I would 100% be on board with the theory that she was only dating him because of the money. She even says in the movie that she's had offers in the past, but none she was interested in. I can't imagine Christian Grey, handsome as he is, is the best looking offer she's been given, and even if it is that's extremely shallow anyway. Basically, the relationship does not present either of the two in a positive light, and at that point, the relationship becomes unbelievable, which wouldn't be a problem if the film wasn't trying to present it as the greatest love story ever told.
 |
| Jamie Dornan as Christian Grey |
The only unique thing this movie has going for it is the BDSM stuff, and even that's boring to watch. Not only is it barely in the movie, but because the movie so badly wants a theatrical release, it can't be nearly as graphic is the source material intends it to be, at which point you lose a key part of what made you stand out in the first place. If it had a bigger focus, maybe it could've added something, anything, to the movie, but as it is, you're stuck watching this horrible relationship progress beyond the point where it should. And, theoretically, a relationship like this can, and probably has, worked in the real world, but the way it's presented here is just toxic. It seems weird to keep harping on about the relationship this long, but that's really all this movie is. There's no B-story running underneath the whole thing, no larger plot being woven, no plot threads being woven throughout the 2 hours of screentime this story is gratuitously given; there's absolutely f***ing nothing else here. So you're stuck watching this relationship that you don't care about and shouldn't exist and there's nothing you can do. You're just stuck there, and the writing is so, SO painful that it just makes it even more unbearable, and the acting is okay, I guess, but because the two main actors aren't given any decent material to work with, the performances comes across as kind of stale at times, meaning there's no chemistry between the two in the first place. The writing is so unfocused, in fact, that there's a point where Anastasia is reading the contract, and Grey is clearly narrating the words onscreen, and the narration does not in any way match what's shown, and it directly follows on from an above passage that was the same, so it wasn't a later excerpt. I'm sorry, there really is nothing else here, and if, in a romance film, you're love interest exhibits all the signs of an unstable cult leader and the movie attempts to pass that off as charm, you've got yourselves a travesty on your hands.
 |
| Jennifer Ehle as Carla |
Fifty Shades of Grey (2015) is just awful. I've certainly gotten angrier at other movies, but I can't really say I haven't been more bored in one. This is just such a nothing movie. And I think you know what kind of treatment that deserves. And I really didn't want to do this. It's so predictable. But, the film gave me no choice. I've only ever done this to two other movies in the past. Welcome to the club. 0/10.
No comments:
Post a Comment