The Franchise Lists
Given that this month was all about movie franchises, I figured it only makes sense to rank them against each other. They way I did this was by averaging the scores I gave ever movie in a series, which gave said franchise its final score out of 10. I'll be listing them here from lowest-scoring to highest, and I'll also be listing the movies in each franchise in order from lowest to highest. So, here we go.
#7: The Twilight Saga - 1.3
Could it really have been anything else? Holy crap, this was such a consistently boring series of films that just seemed to get worse and worse and even worser. Barely any likeable characters, an initial romance that's not interesting which leads into a love-triangle that's not interesting, Bella is one of the worst protagonists in movie history, let alone as a role model for young women, and a final chapter that needlessly splits itself into 2 separate movies for no reason whatso-f***ing-ever. You all knew this was going to happen. Don't watch these movies. They're no good for you.
#5: Breaking Dawn: Part 1
#4: Breaking Dawn: Part 2
#3: Eclipse
#2: New Moon
#1: Twilight
#6: Alien - 6
Yes, the first two films are revolutionary, but everything else is tolerable at best to sinful at worst. The Xenomorphs are consistently terrifying threats, but they are made interesting by the people they are hunting, and for that back half of the franchise, the characters are anything but interesting. Ripley is one of the best female protagonists ever put to screen, a complete 180 from Twilight, and she's what makes this franchise what it is until they ruined her in Resurrection. In my opinion, you wouldn't be missing anything if you stopped after Alien 3, though Michael Fassbender does give the prequel films a lot of points in my opinion.
#6: Alien: Resurrection
#5: Prometheus
#4: Alien: Covenant
#3: Alien 3
#2: Alien
#1: Aliens
#5: Terminator - 7.1
The situation here is very similar to Alien, in that the first two films are legendary while the rest is hit-and-miss, though I do find myself enjoying the later Terminator films more than the later Alien films. The time-travel gimmick works exceptionally well for the genre, and the Terminators themselves are frighteningly powerful threats. Arnold Schwarzenegger is utterly amazing, friend or foe, and the Connors are interesting in some films and the opposite in others. Avoid Salvation like the plague, but everything else is a fun time, and in some cases, downright extraordinary.
#5: Terminator Salvation
#4: Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines
#3: Terminator Genisys
#2: The Terminator
#1: Terminator 2: Judgment Day
#4: Indiana Jones - 7.625
Two of these films are iconic while the other two are a mixed-bag, but the one thing that remains consistent is Indiana Jones himself. Harrison Ford's defining role, and that's saying a lot considering his resume. The archaeology is always interesting, and though at times some films can dip into the culturally insensitive, what's never a let-down is the phenomenal soundtrack which never fails to impress. Supporting characters range from the amazing to the 'OH MY GOD, SHUT THE F*** UP, WILLIE!' It's clear to see why these movies become so beloved, and I'll be coming back to them myself in the future.
#4: Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull
#3: Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom
#2: Raiders of the Lost Ark
#1: Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade.
#3: The Hunger Games - 8.625
This and my #2 franchise each ended up with the same average score, but I put Hunger Games at #3 purely because I find #2's main protagonist far more interesting overall than Katniss Everdeen. By the end she's fine enough, but as the main POV for the story, she's a little disappointing. You know what's not disappointing, though? Literally everything else. Josh Hutcherson more than makes up for Jennifer Lawrence, and is by far the most impressive actor across the board. The setting is an interesting one, and the gimmick of the Hunger Games themselves are extremely entertaining. As someone who was extremely hesitant going in, I can't believe this ended up as high up the list as it did. Kudos.
#4: Catching Fire
#3: The Hunger Games
#2: Mockingjay: Part 1
#1: Mockingjay: Part 2
#2: Mad Max - 8.625
Though this franchise was a little less consistent than The Hunger Games, the lows were never extraordinarily low and the highs were phenomenally high. Max Rockatansky is such an intriguing hero, and his story works hand-in-hand with the post-apocalyptic world which never fails to impress. The first film suffers from a pacing issue, though the same cannot be said for the remainder of the franchise. I will never get tired of watching those wasteland chase scenes, and these are probably the best pure action films of the lot. An entertaining ride from beginning to end, Mad Max is just divine.
#4: Mad Max
#3: Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome
#2: Mad Max 2
#1: Mad Max: Fury Road
#1: The Lord of the Rings - 9.66666666667
Come on. Of course it was going to be this. There's a reason these films are so universally loved. Across the board, everything is perfect here. The cinematography is stunning, the lore is rich, the characters are complex, the CGI is gorgeous, the pace is perfect. Frodo Baggins' journey is so enthralling to watch, and his slow corruption at the hands of the One Ring is almost heart-breaking to watch, particularly through the eyes of Samwise. Despite all of these films being over 3 hours long, the fact that I was so consistently entertained and never once lost interest is a massive achievement.
#3: The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring
#2: The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers
#1: The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King
Characters
Here I'd like to list my top and bottom 5 characters from the entire month. I'll be using the 'franchise rule' from here on out, meaning that no franchise may be represented more than once in any list. So, here are my top 5:
#5: Ellen Ripley (Alien)
Yeah, of course she was going to make the list, how could she not? She's only so far down because of how Resurrection treated the character, but that technically wasn't the same Ripley from the original franchise, so I'll let it slide somewhat. Ripley is a pure badass. No other words needed. We don't get a lot of her backstory in Alien, but when we learn more about her in Aliens, the connection we already have with her makes it work even more. Just... just, obviously she's on the list. Moving on.
#4: President Snow (The Hunger Games)
It was tough deciding my favourite character from this franchise, and I almost put Peeta here just for Josh Hutcherson's acting and the direction they went with him in the last two films, but honestly, President Snow is the most consistent throughout. Again, a lot of it comes down to Donald Sutherland in the role. For the first two movies, he's slimy and menacing, but there was always that layer of composure there. In the last two films, that composure vanishes and we see how maniacally twisted the man is, and it's just so good. Again, maybe it's just for Donald Sutherland, but this was a great villain, and really deserves this spot on the list.
#3: Max Rockatansky (Mad Max)
Well, this was also inevitable. Max Rockatansky is one of those stoic, reluctant hero types that you just love to watch. Right from his introduction in the first film, we see that he's the best of the best, and he just keeps proving it throughout the franchise. His journey throughout the series is probably the most compelling, as we see him go from a content family-man to a grizzled, no-nonsense lone wolf, and in both roles he's just so great to watch. He basically carries this franchise, and he certainly lives up to his name as the Road Warrior.
#2: Indiana Jones (Indiana Jones)
Do I really need to explain myself here? If I'd have watched these movies as a kid, Indy would likely have been one of my idols. I would have pretended to be him on the playground, I would have cracked a whip and dug in the sandpit for hidden idols. It wouldn't have been until I got older (or watched the movies nowadays) that I'd appreciate the layers of this character. These come out mainly through his relationships with Marion and then his father, and it's these insights that make Indy so truly great to watch. Well, that and he's just cool.
#1: Samwise Gamgee (The Lord of the Rings)
Before watching these films, I was expecting to put someone like Gollum, Frodo or Bilbo on this list; someone that we see corrupted by the Ring. Or, maybe it'd be a bad-ass like Aragorn, Gandalf or Legolas; someone that we see do amazing things. But, no. What won me over in the end was the sheer dedication from one little hobbit, someone who would stick by his friend no matter how dire things got, someone who was literally willing to go to hell and back, and someone who did all of this without ever asking for anything in return. Not only that, but Sean Astin's performance is downright perfection, so there was never any contest. My favourite character of the month is Samwise Gamgee.
Alright, now for the bottom five. Brace yourselves...
#5: Blair (Terminator)
This was difficult, since there aren't any characters throughout the Terminator franchise that are outright 'bad', since the majority of the characters appear in good and not-so-good films. But, then, there is that one character in Salvation that loses her husband and seems to forget about it in less than a day and moves on to wanting to get it on with a robot. Yeah... her.
#4: Johner (Alien)
Oh, yeah, you know that character from Alien Resurrection who's misogynistic, loud, makes fun of a handicapped man, and yet somehow survives to the end without there ever being any punishments? How could I not put Johner on this list? I... I think I pretty much covered it. Moving on.
#3: Katniss Everdeen (The Hunger Games)
Really, if Katniss were just a minor character in the franchise, I probably wouldn't have even considered her for this list, but the fact that she's the main protagonist and it took my 3 and a half films to find her remotely interesting is a problem. Especially since the characters in the films keep fawning over her and I'm just sitting here thinking, 'I don't get it'. When the only thing holding your franchise back is your main protagonist, that's a problem.
#2: Jacob Black (Twilight)
There were so many characters that could easily have made this list. I could fill an entire top 10 list of horrible characters from the Twilight Saga. But, in the end, it had to go to Jacob. He's a focal point in 3 of the 4 stories, and he has 3 modes: needlessly aggressive, whiny and entitled, wanting to f*** a baby. Really, the wanting to f*** a baby thing is enough, but... no, I don't need to say anything else. He wanted to f*** a baby. How is there a 'Team Jacob' when this man wants to f*** a baby?
#1: Willie (Indiana Jones)
Congratulations, Willie, I found you more infuriating than a man who wants to f*** a baby. Talk about a severe drop in quality from the love interest in Raiders to the one in Temple of Doom. When your default mode is 'scream' and that seems to be your only defining characteristic, you're bad enough already, but then factor in the constant whining, brattiness, barely any chemistry with Indy and add on the cherry that she learns absolutely nothing by the end of the film? Oh, yeah. That's a horrible character right there. No more, please. I don't want to talk about her anymore.
Movies
Alright, here we go. Time for the top and bottom 5 movies of the month. Again, franchise rule still applies, which is going to make the bottom 5 list particularly difficult, but we'll get there. Let's start with the top 5.
#5: Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade (1989)
The Indiana Jones formula was never better than it was in his 3rd outing. Right from the beginning with a very entertaining glimpse at Indiana's childhood, this movie is superbly entertaining. Harrison Ford is as good as he's ever been, and his chemistry with Sean Connery is just perfect. This is the definitive Indiana Jones adventure for me, and I'll be revisiting this classic for years to come.
#4: Terminator 2: Judgment Day (1991)
Look, the rest of this list are all 10/10 movies, and it was incredibly difficult for me to sort this list out. I will likely be shuffling these films around in my head for years to come, but putting that aside, Judgment Day is a fantastic movie. It serves its purpose as a sequel extraordinarily well. It raises the stakes, it progresses the story, it throws some twists into the mix, it's well acted, it's got a kick-ass soundtrack, it's everything you'd want in an action movie. I'm sure to watch this again. It'll be back.
#3: Mad Max: Fury Road (2015)
This was inevitable. I don't reserve the last spot in my schedule for just any ol' movie, and the buzz I'd heard around this film made it a shoe-in for the position. And, yeah. I delivered. The action scenes are perfect, the stunts are delightfully insane, the characters are deep, the acting is solid, but what really makes this film for me is the cinematography and the editing. All things considered, this is probably the best looking film of the month. I know, there's Lord of the Rings, but given what this film has to work with, being miles and miles of desert, the fact that it looks as good as it did just astounds me. Well worth the #3 spot and then some.
#2: The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King (2003)
Choosing between this and The Two Towers was excruciating, since both films got a perfect 10, but I think I prefer the final chapter just that little bit more. What has it got over the second instalment? I think it's just because of how satisfying it was as an ending. All the loose ends were resolved, and it all made sense, which is something you can't say for a lot of final chapters. There was always going to be a Lord of the Rings film in my top 5, since all 3 films are gorgeous and well-acted and have majestic soundtracks, but in my opinion, the final instalment is the most precious of them all.
#1: Aliens (1986)
So, why is this my #1? Simple: because it's the only film on the entire list that I could not stop thinking about for at least half an hour after I finished writing my review. And think about that, it normally takes me about 30-45 minutes to write one of these, so that's about an hour of my life spent solely on thinking about how great that movie was. And I kept saying it to myself over and over again: 'That was so good, holy s***, that was amazing'. It expands on the Xenomorph lore to the perfect degree, and the terror of the Xenomorphs themselves isn't off-set by their numbers. That didn't make sense, but read the review and it will. Fantastic characters, fantastic effects, fantastic movie. I will watch this over and over again until I die.
Now, here's the difficult part. How do I make a top 5 worst movies of the month list whilst adhering to the franchise rule and not just sticking Twilight in there 5 times? This is going to be a nightmare, but here we go.
#5: Mad Max (1979)
Yes, I know, this film doesn't deserve to be on this list, I gave it a 7/10, what's it doing here? I counted, and this is technically my 13th least favourite film of the month, but that's what happens when you apply a franchise rule. So, what is this film 'so bad'? Well, it's not very well paced and it doesn't do a great job of establishing the world. Um... it leaves some things unresolved... yeah, I've got nothing else. I had fun with this movie. I was entertained. I really don't have anything else that's negative to say, so let's just move on and pretend this never happened.
#4: Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (2008)
Yeah, okay, look, I know everyone loathes this movie, but this was still just my 10th least favourite film of the month scoring itself a 5.5/10. I honestly don't hate this movie, I just tolerate it more than I'm indifferent towards it. The nuclear testing site is unnecessary, as are the aliens at the end, and it doesn't really take any risks, but I still had fun here. The cast is great, and bringing back Marion was a great idea even though by the end they went in a completely out-of-nowhere direction, but when your cast contains John Hurt and Cate Blanchett, you're going to win me over eventually. Is it worse than most of the list? Yeah, but I don't think it deserves the bottom 5 list.
#3: Terminator Salvation (2009)
Here we go. Finally, we're getting into the movies that actually ranked in my bottom 5 when taking the franchise rule out of consideration. And, my God, was this film such a letdown. None of the cool time-travel stuff that made the Terminators threatening or even interesting to begin with, cookie-cutter characters and a cast that looks very, very bored. And, boy, is it boring. This was one of the only films on the list where I genuinely considered stopping at the half-hour mark and pretending I just didn't get around to do a movie that day, or that I did watch a movie but completely forgot to review it. Sadly, I'm way too good at my job, unlike the makers of Terminator Salvation.
#2: Alien Resurrection (1997)
Now we get to the film that made me the angriest out of any other film in the list. Yes, there would be worse movies, but never was there such an enormous fall from grace than with this movie. Talk about films that just don't need to exist, this movie adds nothing to the lore of the world or the Xenomorphs, it has the most forgettable cast of characters, and they straight up ruined Ripley. She didn't need to return. Her story was over. Why does cloning her DNA also clone the alien that was inside her. The alien wasn't inside her DNA, it was just inside her body. If I swallow a coin, and then you clone me, do you clone the coin as well? Can I make infinite money this way? This movie suggests I can make infinite money this way. God, I'm getting angry again. We should move on.
#1: The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn - Part 1 (2011)
Well, this isn't making me any less angry. This movie teaches everyone how to make the most of a bad thing, and I do mean 'make the most of it' as this movie stretches into 2 hours what you can easily cover in around half an hour - wait, no, I'll do you one better: this story can and has been told more effectively in 5-minute short films - all for the sake of money. Because that's why this happened. For the money. And it worked. This film made over $700 million. A creepy, unrendered CGI baby made over $700 million. A fully-grown man falling in love with said CGI abomination made over $700 million. A movie where the plot doesn't begin until almost the 60-minute mark made over $700 million. There are no words to describe how insulting this is to someone who puts actual effort and thought and commitment into their creative projects and has still not seen a single cent of profit from any of them despite the fact that I can confidently say that every single one of them was a million times better than this movie. As a struggling writer, I wish I could put little to no care into a project and get rich off it. As an amateur actor, I long for the day where I phone in a performance that will make me a household name. This is why the film was a 0/10. This is why it's the worst film of the month. This is why it is one of the absolute worst pieces of media I have ever been subjected to. F*** off.
Well, I think I maintained my composure throughout that. And, so ends Must-See May, and I am ever so glad I did this marathon, since I've found some of my all-time favourite movies ever made. It will likely be a while until my next Marathon as I'm about to become incredibly busy with theatre work, but there will be the odd review here and there as I watch/play random things. Thank you very much for reading my reviews this month. Until next time.
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